Quotes by Jordan Sonnenblick

Jordan Sonnenblick

(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

Boys

Mother

Teenage

A typical weeknight when he was home like this: 1. Sit down and try to do homework. 2. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Please play with me!” 3. Ignore brother, try to do homework. 4. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Come ON, Steven! I’m BORED!” 5. Beg Jeffrey for five minutes of peace. 6. Get begged for five minutes of play: “Steven, you never, ever play with me—ever!” 7. Move entire homework operations center to different room. 8. Repeat steps #1-7 as directed by small drugged maniac.

Brother

Home

Moving

Annette had kissed me. Who would’a thunk it?

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Chicks

Eggplant

Style

Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?

Doe

Fall

Letters

Hi, Tad!’ she said. ‘Hi, Jeff! Hey, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?’ ‘Uh, no,’ I said. ‘We were just…I mean, Tad was…uh, nope.’ ‘So what were you guys talking about?’ ‘Well,’ I said, ‘it’s very complicated. We were discussing…umm…hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.’ ‘There’s another kind?’ Lindsey asked. ‘Hey, Jeff?’ Tad said. ‘If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you’re retarded, let me know. I’d be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I’m pretty sure that would do the trick.

Mean

Mom

Talking

I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.

Dove

Holmes

Paper

I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.

Block

Thinking

Two

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

Animal

Dog

Pet

I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now. Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?

Lying

New Year

Night

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Age

America

Animal

Beautiful

Block

Boys

Brother

Cancer

Chicks

Children

Dad

Doe

Dog

Dove

Dying

Eggplant

Elephants

Emotional

Fall

Fire

Get Better

Girl

Guidelines

Guy

Half

Hands

Happens

Herds

Holmes

Home

Kids

Kind

Kings

Kissing

Letters

Light

Lying

Makeup

Mean

Men

Mind

Mom

Morning

Mother

Moving

New Year

Night

Paper

Pet

Promise

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

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The Dating Diary

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The Relationship Therapist

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Quotes by Jordan Sonnenblick

Jordan Sonnenblick

(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

Annette had kissed me. Who would’a thunk it?

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?

I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.

I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

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Topics by Jordan Sonnenblick

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The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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