Funny Quotes by Jack Benny

Jack Benny

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Children

Funny

Laughter

Jack Benny

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Elderly

Funny

Happy Birthday

Jack Benny

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

California

Class

Funny

Jack Benny

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

Crazy

Funny

Success

Jack Benny

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

Funny

Humorous

Night

Jack Benny

I’m an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Funny

Men

Quitting

Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Funny

Love

Relationship

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Ronald Knox

Al McGuire

Rush Limbaugh

Yip Harburg

Larry Wall

Accidents

Age

Air

Als

Beautiful

Believe

Book

Boss

Business

California

Car

Careers

Carnegie

Carnegie Hall

Children

Class

Comedian

Cooking

Cost

Crazy

Cutting

Death

Dinner

Doctors

Dollars

Dump

Earthquakes

Elderly

Exaggeration Is

Facts

Fall

Firsts

Food

Funny

Funny Love

Gags

Garlands

Girl

Giving

Golf

Happened

Happy Birthday

Hate

Hollywood

Humor

Humorous

Hurt

Ignorance

Jobs

Knowing

Laughter

Long

Love

Love You

Matter

Mean

Men

Mets

Mind

Modesty

Money

Names

Night

Order

Pain

Pauses

People

Practice

Principles

Quality

Quitting

Rays

Real

Relationship

Relief

Responsible

Rich

Roger

Romantic Love

Rooms

Salary

San Francisco

Saving

Shows

Snow

Speak

Sports

Success

Three

Trays

Trying

Two

Violin

Waiting

Want

World

Years

Funny Quotes by Jack Benny

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

I’m an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

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Funny Quotes by

Ronald Knox

Al McGuire

Rush Limbaugh

Yip Harburg

Larry Wall

Topics by Jack Benny

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